


Insufferable Subtleties

by OnTheFritz



Series: The Insufferable Series [2]
Category: Cats (1998), Cats - Andrew Lloyd Webber, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats - T. S. Eliot
Genre: Absolutely no shame, M/M, Misto is not much better, Munkustrap and Alonzo are very naughty cats, Tugger is thoroughly traumatized, just shy of explicit stuff, very silly stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:01:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29773104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnTheFritz/pseuds/OnTheFritz
Summary: The long awaited sequel to Insufferable Attractions!Tugger walks in on his brother and Alonzo in a compromising position. His first instinct is to tell the entire junkyard what he saw, but to his horror no one believes him.After all this is Munkustrap and Alonzo, the Jellicle Protector and his Second in Command, they couldn't possibly be doing half the things Tugger claims they're doing, right?
Relationships: Alonzo/Munkustrap (Cats), Mr. Mistoffelees/Rum Tum Tugger (Cats)
Series: The Insufferable Series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2188380
Comments: 8
Kudos: 28





	Insufferable Subtleties

**Author's Note:**

> At last the sequel to Insufferable Attractions is here! I'm just as surprised as you all are! This is absolutely just as depraved as that story so hope you know what you're in for!
> 
> A lot of this is inspired by some crazy conversations on discord and (non explicit) art by 0zzysaurus on tumblr. Either blame me or praise them for the content you are about to see here.

This was it, it was actually happening. If Alonzo wasn’t so dumbstruck by the situation he would thank all his lucky stars for his stroke of luck. 

“We don’t have much time.” Munk reminded him, voice infuriatingly calm in between his frantic kisses. “They'll be expecting us soon."

“Then why- why are we doing this now?” The little breathy moans that escaped him did nothing to help his attempt to sound as calm as his partner.

“Because.” The tabby pressed Alonzo’s body down to the ground, trailing kisses down the side of his neck. “Because you’re letting me.”

“I will- I will always let you- this isn’t fair!” Alonzo moaned louder, body melting into the touch. "You're way too good at this. When- how- where did this come from and why are you so calm about all this?"

With a smile of self satisfaction Munk turned his attention to Alonzo's leg, sinking down to his knees and paying close attention to the inside of his lover's thighs.

"Now, correct me if I'm wrong." Munk ghosted a breath over the black and white fur. "But I think you're rather sensitive here."

"How- how do you know?" Alonzo struggled against the urge to wrap his legs around Munk's waist and be done with it.

"I've been studying you." Keeping his movements slow, Munk traced a path up the inside of Alonzo's thigh with his tongue, following the line between the black and white fur.

"Oh, yes, right- ha!" The moan abruptly turned into a huff of laughter.

Munk raised his head and stared him dead in the eyes. Carefully he traced the line again.

"Munk!" Alonzo laughed. "Cut it out!"

"Are you ticklish?"

"Uh, no. Just- just sensitive."

"I think you're lying to me." Again Munk paid attention to the spot, immediately sending Alonzo into a fit of poorly contained laughter.

"Please, don't- It's too much!" His efforts to smother his laughter was in vain. The truth was out.

"How have I never noticed this?" Munk wondered out loud.

"I don't make it a habit to go about the junkyard telling everyone that I'm ticklish." Alonzo said dryly. "And you’ve never touched me there before."

That was true. They had spent way too much time dancing around each other and not enough time getting down to the more important things.

"Are you satisfied? Or are you going to torture me some more?" Alonzo asked.

"Sorry. Where was I?"

It didn't take long for them to resume where they had left off, frantically trying to make up for the previous time they had lost, time that they didn’t have to begin with. Both of them had set off on a patrol with the initial intention of actually circling the perimeter of the junkyard but once they had been alone one thing had led to another and now here they were. If they took too much time to finish then there would be no doubt that someone would come looking for them.

Alonzo would have to look back later and figure out just what it was that immediately put Munkustrap in such a passionate frame of mind, once his brain could comprehend anything beyond the sensation of the tabby’s body up against his own.The tom was working him up to the point where all he could do was utter single words and punctuate them with unashamedly loud moans.

“Shhh.” Munk soothed as Alonzo let out another particularly loud moan. “You don’t want anyone to hear us, do you?”

Honestly Alonzo didn’t think he could keep from screaming if Munk continued to tease him. How the tabby himself was still so calm was beyond him. All he could do was bite his lip, shake his head, and try to keep quiet, knowing that in a matter of seconds he was going to fail.

“Good. Because only I want to see you like this.” The words were enough to make Alonzo flush even hotter than he had been before, but then Munk was turning him around and pressing him down on all fours, having finally finished preparing him for what they both really wanted.

“Ready?” Munk whispered in his ear, his hips insistently pressing up against him.

"Oh, yes, please." Alonzo begged, a short gasp escaping him as Munk obliged.

This was exactly what he wanted, what he needed, and there was nothing to stop what had been started. Despite Munk’s warning he couldn’t help but voice his pleasure again, burying his head in his arms to muffle the sound. Any more and he was going to lose his mind, he knew it, he didn’t care who heard, how could anyone expect him to keep quiet when Munk was doing all these things to him-

Then Munkustrap bit the back of his neck and it was over. Alonzo screamed.

Instead of admonishing him, instead of stopping and telling him off, Munk simply let go, adjusted his angle, and bit him again, pulling a little at the scruff of his neck. No one had even bitten Alonzo before, not in this way, and momentarily his mind went blank at the sensation.

The pressure on the back of his neck eased up and hazily he was aware of Munk whispering something, maybe praise, maybe a command, he didn’t really know, all he knew was that the best he could do was keep still and let Munk continue, let them both finish, they were both so close, so-

"Hey, Munk, I was wondering where you and Lonz were- whoa, hey!"

Alonzo's arousal came crashing down around him as the last cat he wanted to see while being ravished wandered into sight. Dazedly he wondered what he and Munk looked like, what a sight they made, and the thought only made him more insistent to continue their actions.

"Tugger." Munk groaned, burying his face in Alonzo's neck, trying to still his body but only managing a stutter as he fought against himself. "Leave."

"I-"

"LEAVE."

Tugger hightailed it out of sight, shooting Alonzo a very perturbed, very judgmental look.

Alonzo didn't have much time to consider the implications of such a look because Munk was biting his neck again and he could barely keep any coherent thought in his brain for longer than a second. If anything the intrusion seemed to fuel the fire. Munk redoubled his efforts and suddenly Alonzo didn't care if Macavity himself decided to stop by, so long as Munk did not stop what he was doing.

Afterwards, when both of them could form coherent sentences again and were sprawled flat out on their backs, Munk let out a long sigh and laid down with his face in Alonzo's chest. It wasn't the most comfortable position for either of them but that seemed to be the tabby's intention. All Alonzo could really do was pet Munk's ears and wait for him to speak.

"Tugger saw us." Munk mumbled into the black and white fur, all shreds of dignity momentarily lost.

"Did he?" It was difficult to piece together the specifics.

"Yes."

"Well. Looks like we won't have to tell him that we’re together then." Alonzo said.

"Lonz, I don't think you understand. Tugger, my brother, saw us."

"I don't see what else there is to understand."

“This is going to be all over the junkyard in an hour."

"So?"

"So, Old Deuteronomy is arriving today. He's going to know. My father will know that we were supposed to be on patrol and instead we were-"

"Munk, he's had 99 wives, I think he'll understand what's going on between us." Alonzo tugged on one of his ears. “Honestly he’d probably be happy that you have finally found someone as wonderful as myself to mate with.”

Munk let out a tiny sigh. Sympathetically Alonzo stroked his ears, trying to comfort the distressed tom. It was incredibly rare to see the tabby in such an openly distressed state, so rare that Alonzo felt more than a little lost in how to bring him out of it.

"Who cares what Tugger says. I still enjoyed myself." Alonzo finally said. "And I know you did too."

"I did." Munk propped himself up on an elbow. “I apologize for suddenly starting this, I couldn’t help it, not when we finally had a moment to ourselves.”

“I swear, if you ever apologize for wanting to have sex with me again I will be highly offended.” Alonzo sat up and gently cuffed him upside the head.

“I will do my best not to offend you in the future.” Munk laughed.

“Besides, we still managed to go out on most of the patrol. There’s no reason we couldn’t finish it now- what, what is it?” Alonzo asked as Munk suddenly grabbed his shoulder and turned him to look at the back of his neck.

“Oh, Lonz, I am so sorry.” A gentle touch traced several spots along his neck and shoulders. “I let myself get carried away.”

“What, am I bleeding?”

“A little. But it’s also….” Munk sighed. “You’re not going to be able to hide this.”

“Then I guess I will just have to wear it with pride.” Alonzo bent his head forward as Munk set to work on cleaning him up as best he could. “Let everyone see that I, the great Alonzo, have managed to bed the one and only Jellicle Protector.”

“You’re really enjoying this, aren’t you? If I knew any better I’d say you were only using me to increase your standing in the tribe’s social hierarchy, which may I remind you we do not have.”

“Yet.” Once the back of his neck was finished Alonzo set about cleaning himself, not concerned with the scent of Munk being all over his fur but wanting to return to a more presentable state. “You know, regarding Tugger’s newfound knowledge about us, maybe you should own it.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Think about it. Tugger seems to thrive on getting a rise out of you, so if you act opposite of how he's expecting you to then he'll drop the subject."

"Perhaps." Munk paused in his own grooming, suddenly looking thoughtful.

"And it's not like you haven't walked in on him before. I will be shocked if you say you haven’t."

"I wish I could say that I haven't, truly I do." Munk deadpanned. "But it seems that every corner I turn around he's there, right in the middle of-"

"Please, I don't need to know."

"I apologize, I was having flashbacks." Munk stood, helping Alonzo to his feet. "You know, now that you mention it, payback might still be on the table."

"Oh really?"

"Yes. If you're willing."

"Munkustrap, anything that leads to me having more sex with you has my interest."

Munk laughed, drawing Alonzo in close for another kiss. "Fantastic."

*****

“Bomba, you wouldn’t even believe the things I’ve seen today.” Tugger said.

“I can hardly believe half the things you’ve said you’ve done, let alone claim to have seen.” Bombalurina playfully flicked him on the nose with her tail, settling down on his right side and stretching in the sun.

“I guarantee you that no one has seen this before. If I hadn’t just witnessed it with my own eyes I wouldn’t have thought it possible.”

“Well what was it?”

“In fact, I still don’t believe it. Maybe it was a fever dream, maybe I’m coming down with something.” Tugger turned to the tuxedo tom that was settled on his left. “Hey, sparkles, can you check?”

“Don’t call me that.” Mistoffelees, who had turned up to lounge in his favorite spot only to find Tugger occupying it, begrudgingly settled back against the tom and did his best to use him as a makeshift pillow. The perfect place to sunbathe was a hot commodity around the junkyard and he was not going to give it up for anything.

“Tugger, what did you see?” Bomba asked again.

“I don’t know if I should tell you after all.” Tugger wondered. “Might be too delicate for your ears.” 

Both Bomba and Misto shared a long suffering look with one another but remained silent, knowing it was only a matter of time before the tom changed his mind.

“Alright, alright, you’ve convinced me.” Tugger let out an exaggerated sigh and pulled both cats closer to him. “I saw Munkustrap, our dear Jellicle Protector, the most upstanding citizen in the tribe, my older brother who always has a stick up his-”

“Tugger, please get to the point.” Misto rolled his eyes.

“Right, excuse me. I saw Munk and Lonz going at it like you would never believe. Well, rather, I heard them before I saw them.” Tugger shook his head. “Never knew Lonz had such a pair of lungs on him.”

Unexpectedly both of his companions were silent and still exchanging long suffering looks with one another.

“What? This is big news.” Tugger insisted. “Munk had Lonz bent over so hard I thought he was going to snap in half, and he’s not a delicate guy.”

“Tugger.” Bomba looked him dead in the eyes. “Are you telling us that you are surprised that someone besides you is having sex?”

“No-”

“It sounds like it.” Misto agreed. “It sounds an awful lot like you’re shocked at the thought of anyone but you mating with one another.”

“You two need to stop hanging out with each other.” Tugger muttered. “This is unfair.”

“Well, what else are we going to do while you’re off trying to walk in on your brother and his mate?” Bomba asked.

“I was not trying to walk in on them- you know what, I don’t know why I even bothered to talk to you two in the first place.” Tugger stood and exaggeratedly brushed himself off. “Clearly you do not believe me.”

“Oh, please, we believe you.” Bomba assured him. “It’s just that it’s hard to believe that Munk would be so forward in public. He’s a private tom.”

“Lonz I’m not so sure about.” Misto muttered, almost too low to hear.

“I’m telling you, Munk is not a private guy, not after that performance.” Tugger insisted. “He looked me dead in the eye while still inside Lonz.”

“Private or not, good for him. Munk needs to loosen up a little.” Bomba stretched and sauntered off in search of some more interesting news. “Try not to think about it too much, Tugger, or you’ll lose your mind.”

“Don’t even say it.” Tugger said as Misto opened his mouth to speak.

“So what are you going to do about it?” Misto asked instead.

“About what?”

“Your new revelations about Munk.”

“Who says I was going to do anything?”

“You’re Tugger, you’re going to do something about it.” The tuxedo tom gave him a flat look. “You always do.”

“Not always. In all honesty I’m hoping this was just a one time thing.” Tugger said, mainly to himself. “Maybe Munk got it out of his system.”

*****

To Tugger’s dismay he realized that, despite his hopes, Munk did not get it out of his system. In fact, if anything, the Jellicle Protector seemed to be even more inclined to throw himself as fast as he could in the opposite direction, abandoning his usual reserved, moralist ways in favor of being as blatant about his sexual relationship with Alonzo as possible.

Yet… Munk’s variety of blatancy was insufferably subtle. It wasn’t that he went about thrusting himself into Alonzo every time they were together in public or did anything that could be interpreted as overly sexual (at least not by Tugger’s standards) but there was definitely something about the way they acted with one another that seemed lewd. There was a certain knowing air about those two, something that no matter how hard Tugger tried to pinpoint he just couldn’t and it was driving him up the wall.

And the worst part of it was that no one believe him. Any time Tugger tried to bring up the subject of the Jellicle Protector and his second in command being anything but upstanding citizens he was dismissed as being ‘dramatic’ and ‘too curious for his own good’. If he were being honest with himself Tugger would normally accept such titles with pride but now… now he would have to expose his brother for what he really was to regain his dignity.

Of course, in order to find proper evidence that his brother was acting lascivious on purpose he would have to first locate him, a task that Tugger was finding unusually difficult. If he didn’t know better he would suspect that Munk was purposefully avoiding him. 

Once he finally found Alonzo, however, the suspicion turned into an outright assumption.

“Hello, Tugger.” Alonzo purred, stretching luxuriously in a sunbeam, not a single hair out of place. 

It must have taken Alonzo hours to groom himself into such a perfect state. It would have been an impressive sight if it weren’t for the distracting fact that Alonzo was stretching in a way that highlighted every single muscle in his back, all the way from his shoulders down to his taut behind.

Taut behind? What the hell kind of thinking was that? Tugger’s eyes unwillingly trailed down, then snapped back up, up past Alonzo’s ears and fixed themselves resolutely at the sky. Now, not that Tugger would ever admit it, but when Alonzo had first come to the junkyard he had considered getting to know the black and white cat a little better. There was no denying that the tom was easy on the eyes, and the flexible way he moved sparked the imagination. He sure could do some interesting back bends….

Of course, the second Tugger had gotten to know Alonzo and realized just what a giant stick in the mud he was that interest waned, and then when Alonzo and Munk paired up that interest shriveled up and died. Just smelling Munkustrap’s scent on Alonzo’s fur killed any and all desire Tugger might have had towards him and replaced it with a resolute ‘not gonna touch that’.

But now, watching Alonzo do the most provocative stretches Tugger had ever seen, that interest briefly flickered. Then Alonzo turned and he saw it.

No, not it. Them. 

There were several prominent bite marks on the scuff of Alonzo’s neck, bite marks that Tugger had personally witnessed his own brother give to the tom. The fur was carefully groomed in such a way that they seemed to stand out more, as if to display them like a badge of honor, flaunting the fact that Alonzo had been thoroughly and completely claimed.

“Like what you see?” Alonzo asked.

“No.” At the very least Tugger couldn’t look away for fear of what Alonzo would do the second he took his eyes off of him. Slinky bastard, what was he up to?

“He wasn’t talking to you.” Munkustrap’s voice was deep and came from right behind him.

Tugger would not admit to yelping, not when his pride was on the line, but he did let out a gasp that was an octave or two higher than usual. Alonzo was on one side of him, looking up at Munk through his blasted eyelashes, and Munk was on the other, standing tall and confident with a horrifyingly thoughtful expression. In between these two was not a good place for Tugger to be.

“You two need to get a hold of yourselves.” Tugger said. “Now. It’s getting old.”

“Why, whatever do you mean?” Alonzo maneuvered himself onto his back and rested his arms behind his head, arching his back just slightly so his abs were well defined. “I’m just enjoying some time in the sun.”

“And I’m just admiring the view.” Munk gazed all too innocently around the junkyard, purposefully looking everywhere but at the obvious beacon of sexuality before him. “It certainly is a nice day for sunbathing, isn’t it?”

“Oh, yes, I agree.” Alonzo replied, spreading his legs slightly. “I’ve been waiting all morning for the perfect opportunity to indulge. I hope that I’m doing a good job in making sure every inch of myself is properly exposed.”

Tugger stared. There wasn’t a single inch that wasn’t.

“Exposed in the sunlight.” Alonzo added.

“Be careful though.” Munk did not move but somehow he managed to shorten the distance between himself and his mate through sheer force of presence. “Sunbathing can be a surprisingly strenuous activity. Don’t want to overdo it right away.”

“That’s right. Better to take your time. Really enjoy the moment.” Alonzo had the audacity to trill pleasurably as he squirmed in the sun.

“What.” Was all Tugger could say. 

Is this what the others felt like when he was out strutting around for all to see? No, it couldn’t have been. He always had an army of fans at his beck and call. This moment, this… whatever the hell it was, this was something else. 

And they weren’t stopping.

Munk had moved closer, close enough that his shadow fell over Alonzo’s body but not close enough to make physical contact. Still he stared out over the junkyard as if it were the most interesting thing he had seen in his entire life. 

“Come join me.” Alonzo suggested, reaching out to Munk in vain. “It’s much more enjoyable with you. I don’t like to do it myself anymore, not after I’ve done it with you.”

“You’ve done it plenty of times alone and with others.” Munk told him. “Just this morning I caught you with Mistoffelees.”

Someone let out a funny groan at the mental image of Alonzo and Misto pleasurably writhing together in the sun. 

“Yes, I admit that was good, and then when Bomba joined us that made it even better.” Alonzo smirked.

Again someone groaned as the mental image of Bomba, Misto and Alonzo together came to mind.

“You three looked like you were having a good time.” Munk moved close enough for Alonzo to snake a questing arm up along his leg. “Especially when you and Bomba demonstrated the best techniques for Misto to study. I’m sure that was a lesson he soon won’t forget. You two were very thorough in your demonstration.”

“Oh yes, that’s very important. We were very gentle. Finding the best partner to learn from can make a world of difference- Tugger, are you alright?” Alonzo paused to look at him, touch lingering dangerously close to Munk’s groin.

Tugger belatedly realized that it was him that was doing the groaning. The mental images were too much. It wasn’t clear if he was turned on or turned off or wildly oscillating in between, leaving him nauseously aroused.

“Would you like me to show you some of those techniques Bomba and I showed Misto?” Alonzo asked, voice far to innocent. “I know Misto appreciated it, we had him groaning by the end of it.”

“Ah, that’s how you know when you’ve done a good job.” Munk said knowingly. “When you can’t help but let out a moan.”

“That’s it, I officially hate you both.” Tugger turned and left. It was the best he could do under the circumstances. Out of the corner of his eye he could have sworn he saw Munk crack a smile.

*****

“Sparkles, we need to talk.” After a bit of searching Tugger had managed to find the tom in question perched on top of the oven. “Get out of the sun.”

“What? Why?” Misto peered down at him. “Do you have something against sunbathing?”

“Ngh.” Tugger groaned at the mental images Alonzo and Munk had put in his mind. “Yes. Get down.”

Misto rolled his eyes but obliged, giving Tugger a customary sniff in greeting. “You look like you’ve seen a-”

“I know exactly what I look like.” Tugger growled. “I saw them at it again, Sparkles. Munk nearly climbed over the top of me to mount Lonz in full view.”

“I seriously doubt that.” The magician bit back a smile. 

“If you were there, if you heard what they were saying, you would believe me.” Tugger shivered.

“And what were they talking about?”

“Sunbathing.”

“Sunbathing?”

“Sunbathing.” Tugger repeated.

“So let me get this straight.” Misto adopted a somewhat pained look as he tried to understand. “You saw Lonz and Munk sunbathing-”

“No, only Lonz was sunbathing.”

“Right. So you saw Lonz sunbathing and Munk was… having sex with him? Just out in the open?”

“No.”

“No?”

“No. He was just standing there talking about sunbathing.”

“Okay.” Misto sighed. “You’re telling me that you are outraged because you saw Lonz sunbathing and Munk was talking about it?”

“It was how they were talking about it, I swear.” Tugger insisted. “I never knew Munk even knew what a euphemism was, let alone string a whole dialog with them. He spoke in nothing but innuendos.”

“Tugger.” Again Misto was giving him a pained look. “You’ve spent days only speaking in innuendos.”

“Yeah, but it’s me, I have every right to do so.”

“And Munk doesn’t?”

“No!” Tugger proclaimed. “My brother does not get to do that!”

“Right.” Misto slowly edged away from him as if his rapidly rising hysteria were contagious. “If you’re done making absolutely no sense I’m going to go back to sunbathing.”

“Ngh.” The word alone had lost all innocent meaning. “Just… tell me, were you with Lonz and Bomba earlier?”

“Why, yes, we were sunbathing, why do you ask?” Misto smiled a little too widely. “You should have joined us, we had a wonderful time. I even learned something new-”

“Argh!” Tugger left before the mental images swarmed his mind again. He needed to stop this now and there was one last cat who could help him. The conversation would be awkward beyond all comprehension but it would be worth it.

Unfortunately the universe was working against him.

“What do you mean Dad’s gone? He just got here!” Tugger was on the verge of screaming. “I just saw him this morning!”

“I don’t know what to tell you.” Bomba shrugged. “Who am I to tell Old Deuteronomy when he can come and go?”

“I’m just- I’m just-” Tugger took a deep breath and pawed at his mane. “Right. I will just have to murder him.”

“Old Deuteronomy?” Bomba asked, alarmed.

“No, my brother.”

“Still on that subject? You’re disturbingly obsessive about this.”

“Again, if you’d just believe me when I said what I saw-”

“Even if I did, not that I’m saying I do, so what? Munk got some, good for him.”

“He was an animal.”

“You’re an animal.” Bomba threw her arms up in the air. “We’re all animals!”

“But… now he’s doing more things, Bomba. He’s-”

“Don’t bother, Misto already filled me in.”

“He did?” Tugger paused, some of the wind leaving his sails. “When?”

“That’s not important.” Bomba sighed. “I’m allowed to talk to Misto when he’s not hanging around with you. Why, this morning we had a lovely conversation together when we were sunbathing with Lonz.”

“Wait, that actually was true then?” Tugger gaped at her. “You three were doing that together?”

“If by ‘that’ you mean sunbathing, yes. We do it every week when we can.”

“I can’t believe you’d betray me like that.”

“What, sunbathing with your boyfriend?”

“No, doing things with Lonz.”

“Tugger, if only you knew half the things I’ve done with Lonz.” Bomba winked. “Now, before I forget-”

“You can’t just say something like that and change the subject!”

“I can and I will. This is actually important.” Bomba grabbed him by the elbow. “Come along, Munk’s called a meeting.”

“A meeting?” Tugger automatically dug his heels in. “About what?”

“Oh, come on, it’s not like that.” Bomba laughed. “It’s not like he’s called us together for an orgy.”

“Bomba, please.” The words made him want to rip his ears out. 

If it were just himself, Bomba and Misto he’d be much more interested in the possibility, but thanks to recent events any time he was in the vicinity of Munk or Alonzo he felt unnervingly chaste. It was a dichotomy that Tugger seriously wished he could change. Was it possible to travel back in time yet? He’d have to ask Misto if he’d gotten around to developing those powers, he was capable of some pretty crazy stunts.

“Now, Tugger, don’t tell me that you’re suddenly celibate.”

“No, I assure you I still have the drive.” Tugger snaked an arm around her waist. “But my brother is out to ruin my life and it makes it difficult to focus on the usual activities.”

“Munk is not out to ruin your life.”

“Tell him that when we walk up and find him riding Lonz like a horse.”

Bomba snorted. “As if. More like Lonz would be riding him.”

“You’re right.” Tugger agreed. “Munk’s got enough of a stick up his ass as it is. There wouldn’t be room.”

With that cheerful thought in mind he allowed Bomba to lead him to where this supposedly important meeting was. Right before they rounded the corner the queen let go of his arm.

“Oh, I forgot, I have to go get Misto as well.” She started to wander off.

“You can’t be serious.”

“I am. I’ll be right back. Don’t start anything without me.” With a shooing motion she sauntered off, probably intending to abandon him to the metaphorical wolves.

Tugger allowed himself another moment to collect himself. There was no reason for him to be so bothered by this. After all, he was the Rum Tum Tugger. He was no stranger to being caught in various compromising positions, usually because in some cases he was caught up in the moment and didn’t think ahead, and when he had been caught he just laughed and shrugged it off. 

If anyone should be mortified it should be Munk and Alonzo for being walked in on, the prudes they were. Both were far too serious to act so… smutty. The memory of staring Munkustrap dead in the eye while he was literally shagging his mate would haunt him forever. Tugger’s first instinct to tell everyone in the junkyard what he had seen had been truly an act of disbelief. Of course, there was still the fact that no one believed him when he tried to spread the word. That was the worst part. How could he hold one over Munk and Alonzo when no one would take him seriously?

Maybe that was the point. Was he being punished?

The thought was quickly banished from his mind, and with a shake of his mane Tugger rounded the corner. The subject was getting out of hand. It wouldn’t be worth it to think on it any longer. Better to just go to this meeting and-

“Oh come on!” He shouted.

Shockingly the two toms weren’t outright plowing each other but the sight before Tugger’s eyes was certainly headed that way. Alonzo was draped across Munk’s lap, their long legs intertwined with one another, his previously pristine fur slightly rumpled under Munk’s wandering touches. While Munk fondled his rear Alonzo hooked a claw in the tag of Munk’s collar and tugged it aside so he could lick at the sensitive skin underneath.

Munk’s eyes momentarily rolled in the back of his head, claws flexing in the black and white fur as he tried to keep from bucking up against the tom. Alonzo simply trailed his tongue along the side of Munk’s neck, nibbling at the sensitive skin and earning some very inappropriate sounds from the tabby.

“You have got to be kidding me.” Tugger was this close to killing them. “You knew I was going to see you!”

Alonzo gave Tugger a slightly crooked smile as Tugger stared at them.

“Here for the meeting?” He had the audacity to ask while rubbing up against Tugger’s very flushed brother.

“I’m here to kill both of you. Right now.”

“Please don’t.” Munk gasped, gently encouraging Alonzo to vacate his lap. With incredible skill he gathered himself and returned to his usual composure. “We do have important matters to discuss.”

“I bet.” Tugger snorted. “You are so full of shit.”

“That is no way to talk to your brother.” Munk warned.

Tugger was about to fire off another retort but to his amazement Bomba actually returned with Misto in tow, the two completely oblivious to what had just happened moments before their arrival.

“I hope we’re not too late.” Bomba said. “Did we miss anything?”

“Yes-” Tugger started.

“No.” Munk finished. “We were just about to start.”

From out of nowhere Munk pulled out a giant map and rolled it out in front of them, gesturing for everyone to sit around it. It was a very detailed map of the junkyard and had various points of interest labeled for everyone’s benefit. Tugger stared at it. Where the hell had Munk been hiding this? 

“Now, if you wouldn’t mind taking a look over here.” Munk pointed to the map to draw everyone’s attention to the point the farthest away from himself. “I would like to talk about some of the difficulties in terrain that Alonzo and I encountered on our last patrol.”

Tugger stared again. The point on the map was exactly where he had walked in on Alonzo and Munk going to town on each other. 

“You can’t be serious.”

“Dead serious.” Munk replied. “It is hazardous for any sort of activity. I believe….”

Munk’s voice turned into a bit of a drone, a drone that Tugger automatically tuned out. Even if the tabby wasn’t delving into the most boring speech known to man Tugger wouldn’t have been listening because he suddenly remembered something very important. Something that he should have remembered if he wanted to try and survive the meeting with his sanity intact.

He had completely forgotten to keep an eye on Alonzo. A cold chill went up his spine as he caught a glimpse of the tom sidling up behind Munk, eyes alight with a fiery desire that could not be quelled.

“Heaviside help us.” Tugger muttered as Alonzo flashed him a smile and nuzzled the back of Munk’s neck. “What are you doing now?”

“Quiet, I’m trying to listen.” Misto shushed him, eyes fixed on the map.

“You don’t really believe that he’s called us together for a security meeting.”

“I’d like to pretend to, yes.” 

“Please, if you could look at the map.” Munk said, voice incredibly stern and focused despite the attention Alonzo was giving to his neck.

“Yeah, sure.” It did not escape Tugger’s notice that both Misto and Bomba were staring at the map as if it were the most incredible sight on the planet. Suspicion rose within him. Was it possible that they were in on it too? 

“Now, over- ah- here, there’s something I’d like to discuss.” Munk’s voice hitched only the slightest as Alonzo gently sank his teeth into his scruff.

Tugger’s eye twitched. 

“Yes, Munk?” Bomba asked, pointing at the map. “What sort of thing?”

“Er, a hard- difficult thing!” Munk flexed his claws into the dirt. “There has been some suspicious activity over here in this neck- neck of the woods.”

Alonzo squirmed a little, mouth parted slightly, and slowly buried his face in the back of Munk’s neck. For his part Munk sat as still as a statue, not moving a muscle, his composure frighteningly concrete save for the slight hitch in breath whenever Alonzo bit him.

In horrified fascination Tugger wondered just how far this was going to go. Bomba and Misto didn’t seem to care, Munk was still managing to talk complete and utter nonsense, and Alonzo was steadily working himself up to the point where any moment he might seriously forget himself and mount Munk in full view of anyone who cared to look-

“I hope I’m not late to the meeting.” The appearance of Jennyanydots brought the whole affair to a screeching halt. Alonzo froze, eyes nearly bugging out of his skull as the Gumbie Cat came into view.

Suspiciously Mistoffelees was the only one who did not look surprised at the newest addition to their gathering. A little too innocently he gestured for Jenny to sit next to him. Munk stared at him with a look of complete and utter disbelief, as if the tuxedo committed the biggest act of betrayal he had ever seen. Misto smiled unnervingly wide at all of them in turn.

“So nice of you to join us, Jenny.” Misto said sweetly. “We were just getting started.”

“Er.” Munk looked momentarily lost for words before he rallied himself and pointed back at the map. “As I was saying-”

“Alonzo, dear, what are you doing? Are you alright?” Jenny interrupted. 

Alonzo froze, face screwed up in agonizing embarrassment. “Uh… yeah.”

Misto let out a tiny, undignified snort. 

“Sit here, dear, you seem awfully flushed.” Jenny patted the ground next to her.

“Ner.” Alonzo coughed, glancing desperately at Munk, who was staring at the map and resolutely ignoring everything around him. At this point a tornado could rip through the junkyard and he would still be staring at the map. 

“That reminds me.” Never had Jenny uttered such a terrifyingly thoughtful statement. “Have you two had the safe mating practices talk?”

Everyone but Mistoffelees let out an odd strangled sound of surprise. Jenny was known for her legendary talks, talks that left a once carefree, innocent mated pair thoroughly educated and very disturbed. There were diagrams. There were demonstrations. There was no escape once the Gumbie Cat knew that love was in the air.

Alonzo took the easy way out and ran away as fast as he could. It wasn’t admirable or honorable, but it was the best choice considering the circumstances. Poor Munk wasn’t as lucky. With dedicated defeat he continued the meeting, bereft of his mate and certainly blue balled. 

Eventually the meeting came to an end, much to everyone’s relief. Jenny pulled Munk aside, and while Tugger didn’t care to listen in he took great delight in watching his brother’s face turn a variety of interesting colors. 

“Poor Munk.” Misto sighed. “I forgot Jenny’s enthusiasm in the affairs of love.”

“You invited her to the meeting.” Tugger stated.

“Yes.” The magician grinned. “I thought it would be good payback for what Munk and Lonz had planned to do to you.”

“There never was a meeting, was there?”

“No.” Misto confirmed. “Well, not intentionally, but I don’t think that Munk is capable of faking a meeting without actually planning one.”

“And it’s safe to assume that Bomba was in on it too?”

“Yes.”

“You are all terrible and I am no longer interested in talking to you.” Tugger tried to stalk away but Misto threaded his claws into his mane and pulled him back.

“I believe we had plans this afternoon.”

“After seeing Munk and Lonz’s performance I don’t know if I can ever make those kinds of plans again.”

“I think you’ll be able to, since I know you’re curious about what I have planned for you.” Misto kissed his cheek. “See you later.”

It was hard to argue with that, especially since Tugger knew that the tom was right. His curiosity always got the better of him.

“Tugger.” Ah, there was his brother. Munk had managed to shake Jenny’s impromptu educational spiel and was now giving Tugger a slightly stern yet apologetic look.

“Munk.” Tugger sniffed. “I hope you’re proud of yourself.”

“I’m not entirely sorry.”

“I can’t believe that you’d go to such lengths to… what even were you doing?”

“Honestly?” Munk had the audacity to look embarrassed. “It started as a bit of revenge but then, well, I started to enjoy it-”

“I don’t need to hear any more.” Tugger sighed. “You are no longer allowed to call me depraved. Not after watching what you and Lonz were doing in that ‘meeting’.”

“I’ve never called you depraved.”

“Well you’re not allowed to start.”

“Fair. But you’re not allowed to tell the whole junkyard about what you caught me doing with Lonz.”

“I wasn’t going to tell the whole junkyard.” Tugger said.

Munk stared at him.

“Maybe just a couple of cats.”

Munk continued to stare.

“Okay, so I might have already told some cats. But they didn’t believe me!”

“Good.” Munk relaxed a little. “I was hoping that was the case.”

“Why is that so important to you?” Tugger asked. “Everyone knows you two are mated.”

“Yes, but… I like my privacy, Tugger. And when you saw Lonz and I… together… I didn’t want you telling everyone what exactly what we were doing. It’s important to me to keep some things about my life private.”

Tugger thought on the sentiment for a long moment. Honestly he himself didn’t see the importance, but then again, they were almost polar opposites. Munk didn’t like to be seen as vulnerable, that was a fact, and he had been very vulnerable with Lonz while in such a compromising position. They were lucky that it was Tugger that had stumbled upon them instead of someone else.

“Look, I promise I won’t go talking to everyone about your sex life.” Tugger finally said.

“Thank you.”

“But you have to promise me to stop doing all those things with Lonz in public.”

“Oh, like you don’t.” Munk rolled his eyes.

“I mean the ‘sunbathing’ and the openly groping each other while talking about junkyard security, it’s messing with my brain.” Tugger shivered. “And you’ve turned Misto into a devious fiend, stop that too.”

“That was all his idea. He volunteered to help.”

Both brothers paused at the implication that Misto, sweet little Misto, took delight in traumatizing Tugger’s moral sensibilities. Well, whatever ones he had left.

“I’m going to teach him a very important lesson when I next see him.” Tugger vowed.

“I don’t want to hear about it or see it.” Munk automatically said. “I mean it.”

“Agreed.” Tugger held out his paw. “I’ll keep my business and you keep to yours, and never the two shall meet.”

“Agreed. Don’t ever bring this up again or I will deny any of this every happened.” Together they shook on it. “Now let’s get out of here before Jenny comes back with her diagrams.”

*****

“Bite me again.” Munk groaned, claws gripping the ground beneath him as Alonzo steadily worked him over.

“I didn’t think you’d like it as much as you did.” Alonzo purred as he lightly nipped at the back of the tabby’s neck. “I was just teasing when you were giving that very important presentation about, ah, what was it again?”

Munk groaned, unable to speak as Alonzo sank his teeth into the scruff of his neck. After a whole day of innuendos, blatant groping, and fooling around in public it was time to actually follow through and release their pent up frustrations on one another. Teasing Tugger had been fun, if not vaguely disturbing, but that was over.

“I believe you’ve waited long enough.” Alonzo licked the spot he had just sank his teeth into. “You deserve-”

WHAM. The side of their den rattled as something hit the side with alarming force. Hurried rustling and panting sounds floated through the wall.

“Son of a bitch, I’m going to kill him.” Munk growled, pulling away and stomping over to the door of their den. “Tugger I swear to the Everlasting Cat if you’re- you are! I can’t believe it!”

“Hey!” Tugger’s voice, oddly heavy and out of breath, came out in an automatic protest. “I wasn’t watching where we were going-”

“Because you were too busy shoving your face in Misto’s-”

“Don’t-”

The sounds of scuffling killed the rest of Alonzo’s mood. With a sigh Alonzo made his way outside, immediately running into a flushed and rumpled Mistoffelees.

“Hello.” Misto greeted him. “Sorry to interrupt.”

Alonzo turned his gaze further outwards. Munk and Tugger were caught up in a ferocious scuffle, resembling a somewhat blurry, furry, furious tornado of sibling outrage. Various curses and snippets of argumentative dialog could be heard above the wrestling.

“Well, I think our plans have prematurely ended.” Misto sighed as the two continued to argue.

“Pity.” Alonzo agreed. “Want to go sunbathing?”

**Author's Note:**

> I am an artist this is my art.


End file.
